Sob, sob, the Hillgoat has found his footing in the neighbouring mountain. But a little bird tells me that it is the Tiger that drove away the goat to the neighbouring hill. While he wrestles with the Tiwari code, we wish him all the best. But I am little late with my update on the Tiger amidst us.
Today's news bulletin says that Velupillai Prabhakaran may be terminally ill. I wish the guy is dead before he can cause anymore harm to humanity. But there will be at least a colleague who will shed more than a tear for the LTTE terrorist.
And he shares my cubicle. I had known that he was a proud Tamilian but not someone who was so awestruck by a brutal terrorist. I knew that he believed that the Sri Lankan government was responsible for the tragic Tamil problem in that nation. But little did I realise that he may have been trying to hide his stripes.
On a fateful evening, I was talking with Mr Debater about the LTTE and how the organisation worked against Tamil interest in Sri Lanka. Suddenly, the Teacher, who was silently listening to my conversation, just got up, with a grim face, and walked out.
There was something alarming about the Teacher's mannerism. He looked annoyed and then it suddenly struck me that he was from Ramanathapuram.
When he returned a few minutes later, after his mandatory tryst with the cancer stick, I deliberately turned around the argument. I told Mr Debater: "But all this is one-sided, we don't know the truth...all we get to hear is from the media and it could be biased." "Exactly!!!!!" said the Teacher, even before I completed my sentence. "You see, Prabhakaran is a great leader, he is a visionary, he is respected by Tamilians in Sri Lanka..." He said everything praiseworthy, except that Prabhakaran is a Gandhian. "Tamilians don't have any other leader, you see..." "But LTTE has made sure that Tamilians don't have another leader, it eliminated them all," argued I. "All the others were into drug smuggling and gun-running." "But that's exactly what the LTTE is supposed to be doing and it even employs children and pregnant women for the purpose," I countered. "No! LTTE looks after the genuine interests of Tamils, the rest of them were racketeers," the Teacher said, now looking very agitated. "You mean to say even TULF leader Amritalingham was a racketeer," asked I. "But he was not a militant," said the Teacher. "Exactly, but he was a respected mainstream Tamil leader, an MP in the Sri Lankan parliament...so why was he killed by the LTTE," I asked. "No I am talking about militants," he evaded.
He then went on to add that the LTTE was actually serving the purpose of Tamils in Sri Lanka and that the media was unfair to it. "I have talked to several of the refugees who live in the refugee camps in Ramanathapuram..."
Suddenly it struck me that the Teacher had the same number of years of experience as Mr Debater and lost the same number of years preparing for the civil services examinations; but he was four years older than the Debater; so, where did he lose those four years? A chill went down my spine when it occurred to me that our man may be a Tiger on the prowl...What have I done? Will the Teacher teach me a dreadful lesson?
CC
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Tiwari Code
If you thought he was just another QuarkXpress, think again. Dr Tiwari is on Mission Pathbreaking (pronounced as mis-un path-brking). Google has commissioned him to develop a new communication code. News has it that it will be the next big thing after Samuel Morse invented his dash and dots.
Doc Tiwari is working on his project in right earnest. Today, he made an important invention: If you want someone to check the graph and okay it, what will you say? Using Googletalk, you may say something like this: "Please go through the data and see if the graph is okay" So many words, so many extra seconds consumed! According to the Tiwari Code, you just have to say: "Secure graph."
Yes, this means the person receiving the message will go through the whole graph and once the graph is final, s/he will send back a message: "graph secure". So simple and easy! Just imagine what one would have done otherwise: "I have made some changes, sending the corrected version."
After the first successful communication with Dayal Babi's Baba, Doc Tiwari has embarked on to full-fledged research. These are some of the codes that have been made thereafter: "Joy" means, "listen to me, sweetheart"; "Rak-us" means, I am at your service, come hell or high water"; and "Nad-um" means : "F-you"
I am told the IATA has evinced keen interest in Doc Tiwari's code. It believes that the number of air accidents due to bad communication will be brought down to nil if all airports implement the Tiwari Code.
Even as Doc Tiwari gets into the league of Graham Bell and Morse, there are some petty people who are lampooning him. I think this is unfair.
CC
Doc Tiwari is working on his project in right earnest. Today, he made an important invention: If you want someone to check the graph and okay it, what will you say? Using Googletalk, you may say something like this: "Please go through the data and see if the graph is okay" So many words, so many extra seconds consumed! According to the Tiwari Code, you just have to say: "Secure graph."
Yes, this means the person receiving the message will go through the whole graph and once the graph is final, s/he will send back a message: "graph secure". So simple and easy! Just imagine what one would have done otherwise: "I have made some changes, sending the corrected version."
After the first successful communication with Dayal Babi's Baba, Doc Tiwari has embarked on to full-fledged research. These are some of the codes that have been made thereafter: "Joy" means, "listen to me, sweetheart"; "Rak-us" means, I am at your service, come hell or high water"; and "Nad-um" means : "F-you"
I am told the IATA has evinced keen interest in Doc Tiwari's code. It believes that the number of air accidents due to bad communication will be brought down to nil if all airports implement the Tiwari Code.
Even as Doc Tiwari gets into the league of Graham Bell and Morse, there are some petty people who are lampooning him. I think this is unfair.
CC
Friday, November 16, 2007
Hill Goat and the Comrade
While we spend time trying to figure out the genetics of Bajrangi, it would be good to turn our focus on some others. Our office is a 3-ring circus. There are too many artistes performing simultaneously.
Most of us are desperately looking for cotton plugs to reduce the incessant "warh-warh-warh-warh" emanating from the Pseudo-Naxal (PN) His decibel level is actually directly propotional to the frustration he is experiencing. The level of his frustration is so much that all the time he is accusing someone or the other of being "a big humper". So, it is only natural that he is willing to believe anyone who has a juicy tale to tell him.
The Hill Goat is not letting go of the opportunity. The other day, he gave a multi-media presentation of a night he 'spent' with a woman. The Hill Goat completed the presentation with sound effects, and started moaning and groaning. Needless to say PN was aroused so much that he was seen furiously pacing up and down.
As if this was not enough, the Hill Goat last evening told PN that Dayal Babi spotted a strap-on dildo in the bag of Dum Aloo's wife during their wedding reception. He explained to PN that efeminate men had a fetish for such things. Poor Dum Aloo has been made out to be a guy who loves to be buggered by his wife!
Now, anyone else would have just dismissed the claim but PN was not only willing to buy it but also started imagining things. Poor Dum Aloo, who met him a little later must have been left wondering why PN was so squeamish with him.
It ain't over yet! In all likelihood, PN will check out with Dayal Babi. Try imagining how Dayal Babi will react when PN starts talking about a dildo.
CC
Most of us are desperately looking for cotton plugs to reduce the incessant "warh-warh-warh-warh" emanating from the Pseudo-Naxal (PN) His decibel level is actually directly propotional to the frustration he is experiencing. The level of his frustration is so much that all the time he is accusing someone or the other of being "a big humper". So, it is only natural that he is willing to believe anyone who has a juicy tale to tell him.
The Hill Goat is not letting go of the opportunity. The other day, he gave a multi-media presentation of a night he 'spent' with a woman. The Hill Goat completed the presentation with sound effects, and started moaning and groaning. Needless to say PN was aroused so much that he was seen furiously pacing up and down.
As if this was not enough, the Hill Goat last evening told PN that Dayal Babi spotted a strap-on dildo in the bag of Dum Aloo's wife during their wedding reception. He explained to PN that efeminate men had a fetish for such things. Poor Dum Aloo has been made out to be a guy who loves to be buggered by his wife!
Now, anyone else would have just dismissed the claim but PN was not only willing to buy it but also started imagining things. Poor Dum Aloo, who met him a little later must have been left wondering why PN was so squeamish with him.
It ain't over yet! In all likelihood, PN will check out with Dayal Babi. Try imagining how Dayal Babi will react when PN starts talking about a dildo.
CC
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
A brief history of Ram
AN ATHEIST HAS THE RIGHT TO DENY THE divinity of Ram. But to deny the historicity of Ram is a historical heresy that strikes at the roots of Indian ethos. Those demanding written proof of Ram’s existence need to be familiarised with Hindu traditions of shruti (oral instruction sans written communication) and smriti (memorisation). The Hindu intellectuals never insisted that everything be there in writing. The lack of rigidity, because there is no Book and nothing is etched in stone, has helped Hinduism evolve over the ages and keep up with the times. If learning is the end, then why quibble over the means? Why treat written records as sacrosanct, for they can be more easily created and altered than the collective memories of thousands of generations. Keepers of land record have done it all over the world. False birth certificates to get jobs and caste certificates to get reservation are easily available for the right price all over India.
Das avatars narrated in the Hindu scriptures represent a theory of evolution from pisces to amphibians to mammals as Vishnu’s incarnations of Matsya, Kachchhap and Varaha. Similarly, Narasimha and Vaman avatars represent the growth of humanity and progress of the human race. They may not have been written down but the facts can be tallied with similar progress reports in other religions, and science. This represents the gyan (knowledge) and vigyan (science) of the people of that era. To dismiss it as myth and legend, and treat it as superstition is an insult to the culture and history of the first civilised people on this earth. This can be expected only from a person who has named his progeny after a ruthless dictator despised even in his own country.
When actions speak louder than words, masses remember reformers as Gods. The dustbin of history is there to recollect acts of pretenders to the throne of people’s heart. Leaders who want future generations to remember them without having done enough to deserve it need image builders, who are better known as historians.
Ram’s contributions to society may not have been chronicled during his times, but have left an indelible mark, inspiring bhakts like Valmiki and Tulsidas to name just two. Raghav appeared at a time when human race was moving out of pastoral jungle life to a city-based agrarian culture. He was a pioneer and leader in a movement that changed the way of life and thinking of humanity as a whole and the Indian subcontinent in particular. He arouses so much passion and devotion precisely because he was the first leader who stood up for the aam aadmi, especially women and the underprivileged, despite being a prince. The reformer started with women’s right — restoring to the Ahilya her rightful social place, a victim of circumstances spurned by her husband and ostracised by society. Promoting monogamy is something for which Hindu women, and men, shall thank him forever. The prince of Ayodhya spearheaded the movement to co-opt the hunter-gatherer forest dwellers (vana nar, distorted into vanar) into the then new agrarian social formation. He wiped out the old exploitative asurasocio-economic order. Ram rajyawas the first instance of a ruler giving precedence to the concerns of common man, an aristocrat turning a civil servant in the true sense of the word.
Bhakt Bajrangi
Das avatars narrated in the Hindu scriptures represent a theory of evolution from pisces to amphibians to mammals as Vishnu’s incarnations of Matsya, Kachchhap and Varaha. Similarly, Narasimha and Vaman avatars represent the growth of humanity and progress of the human race. They may not have been written down but the facts can be tallied with similar progress reports in other religions, and science. This represents the gyan (knowledge) and vigyan (science) of the people of that era. To dismiss it as myth and legend, and treat it as superstition is an insult to the culture and history of the first civilised people on this earth. This can be expected only from a person who has named his progeny after a ruthless dictator despised even in his own country.
When actions speak louder than words, masses remember reformers as Gods. The dustbin of history is there to recollect acts of pretenders to the throne of people’s heart. Leaders who want future generations to remember them without having done enough to deserve it need image builders, who are better known as historians.
Ram’s contributions to society may not have been chronicled during his times, but have left an indelible mark, inspiring bhakts like Valmiki and Tulsidas to name just two. Raghav appeared at a time when human race was moving out of pastoral jungle life to a city-based agrarian culture. He was a pioneer and leader in a movement that changed the way of life and thinking of humanity as a whole and the Indian subcontinent in particular. He arouses so much passion and devotion precisely because he was the first leader who stood up for the aam aadmi, especially women and the underprivileged, despite being a prince. The reformer started with women’s right — restoring to the Ahilya her rightful social place, a victim of circumstances spurned by her husband and ostracised by society. Promoting monogamy is something for which Hindu women, and men, shall thank him forever. The prince of Ayodhya spearheaded the movement to co-opt the hunter-gatherer forest dwellers (vana nar, distorted into vanar) into the then new agrarian social formation. He wiped out the old exploitative asurasocio-economic order. Ram rajyawas the first instance of a ruler giving precedence to the concerns of common man, an aristocrat turning a civil servant in the true sense of the word.
Bhakt Bajrangi
Monday, November 12, 2007
Babu Baj
Since his rewriting skills have not got him a 'well-deserved' promotion and a massive hike, but ridicule and scorn instead, Babu Bajrangi has turned to writing the Ramayan. After Valmiki Ramayan, Tulsidas' Ramcharitamanas, Kambaramayanam etc, etc, here comes Bajrangi Ramayan!
According to the Bajrangi Ramyan, Ram was the first Civil Servant.
For promo of the book, please see today's Oped page.
CC
According to the Bajrangi Ramyan, Ram was the first Civil Servant.
For promo of the book, please see today's Oped page.
CC
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Bajrangi's creative skills, for the record
The following is what the reporter wanted to say and the second one is what was rewritten by Bajrangi, and which appeared in the newspaper. This man thinks he is God's gift to journalism.
The news
The Centre is unlikely to increase prices of fuel despite a global spike in crude prices. A meeting between Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, finance minister P Chidambaram and oil minister Murli Deora, on Monday, is believed to have taken this decision as hike in domestic fuel prices could harm UPA’s poll prospects in a likely mid-term poll. Instead, the meeting decided to issue oil bonds to bail out oil companies facing a liquidity crunch. (75 words, everything clearly told)
One man's poison can be another man's meat. Poll fears may clear
(32 words and I start seeing big brown bears sitting in cars)
Monday saw the Trimurti of Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, finance minister P Chidambaram and petroleum minister Murli Deora audit collateral damage from the global spike in crude prices. But with election on the horizon, an increase in retail prices is a almost a no-no. Instead the Cabinet may take up the issue of oil bonds this week to ease the oil companies liquidity crunch.
[64 more words (total 96) and I am still not sure whether they are going to hike the fuel price. And where did those bears get off?]
His potion is indeed poison for the reader!
CC
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
The sound of silence
Passive Watcher met Bajrangi, for the first time after a few days, yesterday. He told him about the graph being a repeat and of "people taking notice of it." I am told, Bajrangi just remained mum. He is not very vocal otherwise but in a very soft voice he always manages to convey his most ridiculous, banal, vain and pervert thoughts. So, the silence of Bajrangi is sad news. It means that he has discovered PW. He now knows that PW is not as innocent as he looks and may have decided to keep a distance.
That means, we now need to find a new candidate to massage Bajrangi's ego and get the venom out of him. Or else, this blog faces a bleak future.
Any takers? Any proposals?
I think Dum-aloo would be okay. But he is never known to faithfully report the 'proceedings'
CC
That means, we now need to find a new candidate to massage Bajrangi's ego and get the venom out of him. Or else, this blog faces a bleak future.
Any takers? Any proposals?
I think Dum-aloo would be okay. But he is never known to faithfully report the 'proceedings'
CC
Friday, October 19, 2007
Bajrangi's ass on fire
Guys, I have some good news! Bajrangi has been mauled. And mauled so badly and comprehensively that he can hardly lift his tail now! And guess who did it? The Passive Watcher, of all people!
Actually, Bajrangi was asking for it. He had been tickling the Passive Watcher’s posterior for quite sometime now and PW had not responded so far. But yesterday, he reached the end of his tether and Bajrangi had it.
I wish the PW had put it down here himself. But I am reproducing a second-hand version of what happened between the two:
Bajrangi: Hello, PW! So many mistakes on your page, again!
PW: Really? Tell me?
(Bajrangi opens the page to show some silly crap, as usual. PW gives a Mona Lisa smile. Bajrangi should have known what was coming. But since he was so full of himself, he continued with his Geeta Sandesh.)
PW: Listen, Bajrangi, we are producing a newspaper, not a magazine!
Bajrangi: How can you talk like this?
PW: These are not actually mistakes… things could have been improved if one had time.
Bajrangi: I have been saying this to you since it’s my duty (For the uninitiated, he’s the dap-u-tee)
PW: Oh, so you have been entrusted with this task in the absence of Jumbo?
Bajrangi: Don’t talk like this! How can you make fun of Jumbo? (Look how he twists the tale) For your information, he’s a legend in this profession. (Legend = Fart) Everyone respects him.
(O, yeah? Several people respect Jumbo? I guess once they start respecting Jumbo, they become invisible because I am yet to meet anyone who has spoken a good word about Jumbo)
PW: But I was not making fun of Jumbo
Bajrangi: I think I should tell this to Jumbo. The way you talk about him.
PW: Look, in that case, I will tell him the whole story and he will know I did not mean him any insult (what a pity, Jumbo should also have been insulted)
Bajrangi: (smiles, changes gear) I have been pointing these things to you because I think you are a friend. (Friend = someone on whom he craps)
PW: I know that, Bajrangi, which is why I want to say something...
Bajrangi: That is?
PW: You take so much pain to educate me everyday. Do you know that there are some colleagues who are judiciously going through the pages you make to find mistakes?
(Bajrangi’s face turns purple)
PW: They are plotting against you. They are waiting to strike at the right moment.
Bajrangi: But there are no mistakes on my pages!
PW: That is what you think. But they have been shown to me and I have found them to be genuine mistakes. Also, there are so many people here who make fun of your headlines…Honestly, some of your headlines don’t make any sense. Nevertheless, they have some comic value. Even Jumbo was once laughing. All these guys are laughing at you; they are making fun of you!
Bajrangi: Look, they are not my pages, in the first place. (He should join politics) They are pages of the Pianist, Friday, Dum-Aloo. How can I be held responsible for their mistakes?
PW: (realises that he has won the psychological war) But you are in charge of them.
Bajrangi: See, I am moving out of all this. I have started rewriting. That is where my skills lie. Things will be clear very soon. You must have noticed how some copy on the pages are looking very readable. I have been rewriting them (the smile returns to Bajrangi’s face)
PW: That is what you think
Bajrangi: Even guys from the bureau are so pleased. The other day, one of them came to congratulate me because of the good work I had done.
PW: That was a big drama enacted! All these people at the desk were laughing at you because you had screwed up a fairly decently-written copy. You made it into total nonsense. And they provoked this guy, the reporter, asked him to come and congratulate you. The reporter was seething. He said he is going to take the matter to the editor, the next time this happens.
(Bajrangi runs for cover. He was seen going to the loo quite a few times. Returns two hours later:)
Bajrangi: See, my mandate is to make graphs for all centres. And the editor has asked me to do this. And he is pleased with my work. And all centres have been carrying my graphs.
(PW smiles mysteriously…)
CC
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Bikaner Namkeen Vs Karim's Mutton
I hear Namkeen Wala is putting extra efforts to doll up his pages. And this has been happening ever since Rakshas wrote in Namkeen's appraisal form about the “smart design" skills that latter possesses. It is another matter that none of us has ever noticed these smart skills, inspite of the extra efforts, on paper (I too have only heard about them). What people did notice, however, were the glaring spelling errors in his graphics as well as the grammatical mistakes on his pages. And these were pointed out too liberally. Elephant being an avid fan of Namkeen Wala has not missed one chance (and there have been one too many) to point these bloomers in disparaging tones. To repeat a usage in the same para, it is another matter that none of us reads the post-mortem reports either.
But Namkeen Wala's efforts remind me of an old saying in Hindi, i.e. Kauwwa chala hans ki chaal… (When a dark crow tries to walk like a fair crane, it ends up losing its own survival skills). In this case, Mr Namkeen probably thought he could do another Bedi in ET to move up the charts... but he only proved to be a competition for Saving Karim’s writing skills.
Hilly Billy
But Namkeen Wala's efforts remind me of an old saying in Hindi, i.e. Kauwwa chala hans ki chaal… (When a dark crow tries to walk like a fair crane, it ends up losing its own survival skills). In this case, Mr Namkeen probably thought he could do another Bedi in ET to move up the charts... but he only proved to be a competition for Saving Karim’s writing skills.
Hilly Billy
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Music between Nadeem Shravan
This is my first post here although it has been a few months since this storybook came into being. Was I being sceptical to lend my thoughts here? Or was I waiting for the opportune moment? Or was I being plain lazy? Whatever… now that I am here finally, I better make it worth the while.
Friends, we all know that the pride of place in any circus is its brass band. All action happens under its nose. Our circus too has a rock band. Here are some clues to our rockstars: 1. The lead singer has a gift of four-letter gab; and they come out of his lips in lyrical form, effortlessly (of course, it is not music to the female ears).
2. The lead guitarist used to be Santana but now he plays the second fiddle in the band.
3. They have a bouncer too, a menacing-looking nigger, with a shift of gab — often pronounces Shaving Cream as Saving Karim.
(I am sure you have found the switch to the light)
But this post has little to do with either of the three mentioned above. The space here belongs to the fourth member — the pom-pom girl of the band, one with a sing-song voice and a recently-developed attitude.
Last heard, Mr Pom-Pom Girl is DYING to have a girlfriend. However, with the company he is keeping (or is it the company which is keeping him?) chances are that dying may come sooner than a girlfriend. Mr Sing-Song too knows this and gets pantsy each time the Lead Singer gives him a mouthful in the hearing shot of a female. But what to do? If you choose to stay in the lion's herd for a large share in a circus, you will have to jump the fire-ring too.
Currently in Bangalore, Mr Sing-Song claims he is the only one doing the dirty job, day in and day out. The other rock stars merely drink and abuse. Ramzaan has made thing worse — no food, lots of work and unlimited abuses. Poor sod got so pissed one fine afternoon that he poured his heart out on G-chat. And it helped since the other end of the chat-thread was held by a female colleague. The outpourings went for over an hour, thanks to a little prod here and there by the lady (let’s call her IM here, for obvious reasons).
Now... let me no longer bore you with such peripheries when you can enjoy it straight from the ass's mouth? I must warn you that it is a long haul, so time it for a leisure reading. Enjoy:
-------------------------------
Pom-Pom: hi IM
Pom-Pom is online.
IM: hi Pom Pom
Sent at 4:14 PM on Sunday
IM: how is bangalore?
Sent at 4:20 PM on Sunday
Pom-Pom: very pleasant
good babes
and lot of work
IM: delhi is getting very cool too…
babes???? must be all black in colour:-)
Pom-Pom: nah
IM: and all smelling of chameli tel
Pom-Pom: not at all
IM: ok..wht do they smell of??? hahahaha
Pom-Pom: but yeah i dont think they belong to bangaloe
IM: must be from delhi
Pom-Pom: ya may be
but i find them hotter than delhi babes
IM: cud be true
Pom-Pom: and that too in large numbers
IM: :-)
so much workk...how do you get time to look at girls
Pom-Pom: that's only regret, somehow i manage to have just a glimpse of them
i wanted to stay there for a long time, but u know, m here for work
and the hot place is MG Road, where our office is located
IM: accha
plan a holiday to blore
Sent at 4:31 PM on Sunday
Pom-Pom: for that i'll have to patao girlfriend from mg road
IM: and dont take your paltan along
Sent at 4:49 PM on Sunday
Pom-Pom: whats happening in delhi
IM: nothing
all action in blore
pretty quiet in delhi
Pom-Pom: no, no action here
too much wrok, thats all
am tired
IM: how many pages r u sending today?
Pom-Pom: page 1, 3 pages
IM: fine
Pom-Pom: and maybe even the back page
i am not sure of the back page
IM: :-) no space on BP.
7 col. ad
Pom-Pom: ok
Sent at 5:06 PM on Sunday
Pom-Pom: as of now theres no space in my head
loaded with work
IM: :-)
Pom-Pom: any news of increments
IM: brigade road mein, shop called Nilgiri. famous for Ghee. try it
Pom-Pom: what will i do with ghee?
IM: not yet. will get during diwali. co. always times it for that time
Pom-Pom: ok
IM: great aroma..ghee
Pom-Pom: whens that
diwali
IM: nov 9. so month end
Pom-Pom: thats a long wait
too much
IM: ths time diwali is very late. and last year it came very early
Pom-Pom: yes
anyway am going home for id
IM: whr?
Pom-Pom: so i will only be able to see u after i come back
bihar
IM: whn r u back?
Pom-Pom: around 22/23
IM: ok. enjoy
Pom-Pom: yup, thats what i plan to do after this bangalore trip
too much work here
IM: what abt awards??? that will be even more work na
Pom-Pom: yes
its very tiring
after i come back, off to bombay
again for the grind
imagine my plight
IM: nicer girls to compensate for tiring time
Pom-Pom: dont even have time to look at them
its office-guest house-office
thats all
IM: :-) so boring
Pom-Pom: and then listening to rakeshji, shashiji and santanji
how boring it can get
IM: how horrible
and u dont even drink
Pom-Pom: yes
and these guys just keep on drinking all the time
IM: i can understand...
listening to people who are nice and high...keep repeating things:-)))
Pom-Pom: yes
esp rakeshji and santanji
IM: it can get on my nerves too
Pom-Pom: who i think are turning old and boring
shashiji is also boring
IM: :-)
Pom-Pom: all these married guys are boring
IM: at least they stick to the bottle and not to females
Pom-Pom: yes
that they do
IM: :-)))) always a silver lining
Pom-Pom: females dont interest them
IM: good for you...field open for you.
Pom-Pom: and they try to kill my interest also
IM: kya pata...ghar ja rahe ho..waha you will be tied up and married off.
Pom-Pom: arre nahin, no plans to marry
IM: then you will take to the bottle
Pom-Pom: after i see these guys i dont want to get married
such horrible and boring lives they lead
IM: :-))))) but it can also be nice. trust me. ths is my second time
Pom-Pom: looking at them it doesnt seem so
and i have only been looking at them for almost 2 years now
IM: santan is not married?
Pom-Pom: yes
IM: he is ?
Pom-Pom: but he too likes an old guy
he's anyway as old as rakesh
IM: suggestion: change your dept.
Pom-Pom: kahan jayoon?
IM: MMmmmm...become travel designer
Pom-Pom: ha ha
IM: not the pages to me made by reshmi
not that
Pom-Pom: why dont u suggest it to rahul joshi
IM: something on those lines...coz business can be boring
Pom-Pom: yes boring and with these guys doubly boring
saar din daaru
subhah
shaam
raat
IM: ek cheez karo..make friends thr and go out to new places with them
Pom-Pom: arre there isnt time to make frnds
even if i do
IM: see a movie..eat good food
Pom-Pom: these guys just pile on
IM: oops
:-(
Pom-Pom: and girls get scared of them
IM: u make me laugh
Pom-Pom: foul-mouthed they are
saara din mc, bc
aur daaru
IM: suggestion: might as wll have a drink.
Pom-Pom: imagine in blore
Pom-Pom: what will girls think if rakesh starts talking mc, bc
which he does all the time
IM: bangalore girls will not understamd the language
Pom-Pom: no they do
and they make faces
some of them
if i am talking to a girl suddenly some bc will come
IM: hahahahah
Pom-Pom: into my ears
spoiling the mood
and the girl will never look at me again
morning evening
its all mc, bc
and daaru
IM: u need a break. going home will make you feel better
Sent at 5:25 PM on Sunday
Pom-Pom: and then come back and mc, bc again
in bombay
in bangalore
in delhi
in calcutta
everywhere
IM: i am so sorry
Pom-Pom: even i am sorry
abt myself
Sent at 5:26 PM on Sunday
Pom-Pom: listening to MC Hammer
IM: again MC
Pom-Pom: that was the guy i think
yes
thats all i do all the time
day and night
din aur raat
shaam ko kaam
ab batayo main kya karun
Sent at 5:27 PM on Sunday
(IM has promised me Part Two of this very soon. Till then...)
Hilly Billy
Friends, we all know that the pride of place in any circus is its brass band. All action happens under its nose. Our circus too has a rock band. Here are some clues to our rockstars: 1. The lead singer has a gift of four-letter gab; and they come out of his lips in lyrical form, effortlessly (of course, it is not music to the female ears).
2. The lead guitarist used to be Santana but now he plays the second fiddle in the band.
3. They have a bouncer too, a menacing-looking nigger, with a shift of gab — often pronounces Shaving Cream as Saving Karim.
(I am sure you have found the switch to the light)
But this post has little to do with either of the three mentioned above. The space here belongs to the fourth member — the pom-pom girl of the band, one with a sing-song voice and a recently-developed attitude.
Last heard, Mr Pom-Pom Girl is DYING to have a girlfriend. However, with the company he is keeping (or is it the company which is keeping him?) chances are that dying may come sooner than a girlfriend. Mr Sing-Song too knows this and gets pantsy each time the Lead Singer gives him a mouthful in the hearing shot of a female. But what to do? If you choose to stay in the lion's herd for a large share in a circus, you will have to jump the fire-ring too.
Currently in Bangalore, Mr Sing-Song claims he is the only one doing the dirty job, day in and day out. The other rock stars merely drink and abuse. Ramzaan has made thing worse — no food, lots of work and unlimited abuses. Poor sod got so pissed one fine afternoon that he poured his heart out on G-chat. And it helped since the other end of the chat-thread was held by a female colleague. The outpourings went for over an hour, thanks to a little prod here and there by the lady (let’s call her IM here, for obvious reasons).
Now... let me no longer bore you with such peripheries when you can enjoy it straight from the ass's mouth? I must warn you that it is a long haul, so time it for a leisure reading. Enjoy:
-------------------------------
Pom-Pom: hi IM
Pom-Pom is online.
IM: hi Pom Pom
Sent at 4:14 PM on Sunday
IM: how is bangalore?
Sent at 4:20 PM on Sunday
Pom-Pom: very pleasant
good babes
and lot of work
IM: delhi is getting very cool too…
babes???? must be all black in colour:-)
Pom-Pom: nah
IM: and all smelling of chameli tel
Pom-Pom: not at all
IM: ok..wht do they smell of??? hahahaha
Pom-Pom: but yeah i dont think they belong to bangaloe
IM: must be from delhi
Pom-Pom: ya may be
but i find them hotter than delhi babes
IM: cud be true
Pom-Pom: and that too in large numbers
IM: :-)
so much workk...how do you get time to look at girls
Pom-Pom: that's only regret, somehow i manage to have just a glimpse of them
i wanted to stay there for a long time, but u know, m here for work
and the hot place is MG Road, where our office is located
IM: accha
plan a holiday to blore
Sent at 4:31 PM on Sunday
Pom-Pom: for that i'll have to patao girlfriend from mg road
IM: and dont take your paltan along
Sent at 4:49 PM on Sunday
Pom-Pom: whats happening in delhi
IM: nothing
all action in blore
pretty quiet in delhi
Pom-Pom: no, no action here
too much wrok, thats all
am tired
IM: how many pages r u sending today?
Pom-Pom: page 1, 3 pages
IM: fine
Pom-Pom: and maybe even the back page
i am not sure of the back page
IM: :-) no space on BP.
7 col. ad
Pom-Pom: ok
Sent at 5:06 PM on Sunday
Pom-Pom: as of now theres no space in my head
loaded with work
IM: :-)
Pom-Pom: any news of increments
IM: brigade road mein, shop called Nilgiri. famous for Ghee. try it
Pom-Pom: what will i do with ghee?
IM: not yet. will get during diwali. co. always times it for that time
Pom-Pom: ok
IM: great aroma..ghee
Pom-Pom: whens that
diwali
IM: nov 9. so month end
Pom-Pom: thats a long wait
too much
IM: ths time diwali is very late. and last year it came very early
Pom-Pom: yes
anyway am going home for id
IM: whr?
Pom-Pom: so i will only be able to see u after i come back
bihar
IM: whn r u back?
Pom-Pom: around 22/23
IM: ok. enjoy
Pom-Pom: yup, thats what i plan to do after this bangalore trip
too much work here
IM: what abt awards??? that will be even more work na
Pom-Pom: yes
its very tiring
after i come back, off to bombay
again for the grind
imagine my plight
IM: nicer girls to compensate for tiring time
Pom-Pom: dont even have time to look at them
its office-guest house-office
thats all
IM: :-) so boring
Pom-Pom: and then listening to rakeshji, shashiji and santanji
how boring it can get
IM: how horrible
and u dont even drink
Pom-Pom: yes
and these guys just keep on drinking all the time
IM: i can understand...
listening to people who are nice and high...keep repeating things:-)))
Pom-Pom: yes
esp rakeshji and santanji
IM: it can get on my nerves too
Pom-Pom: who i think are turning old and boring
shashiji is also boring
IM: :-)
Pom-Pom: all these married guys are boring
IM: at least they stick to the bottle and not to females
Pom-Pom: yes
that they do
IM: :-)))) always a silver lining
Pom-Pom: females dont interest them
IM: good for you...field open for you.
Pom-Pom: and they try to kill my interest also
IM: kya pata...ghar ja rahe ho..waha you will be tied up and married off.
Pom-Pom: arre nahin, no plans to marry
IM: then you will take to the bottle
Pom-Pom: after i see these guys i dont want to get married
such horrible and boring lives they lead
IM: :-))))) but it can also be nice. trust me. ths is my second time
Pom-Pom: looking at them it doesnt seem so
and i have only been looking at them for almost 2 years now
IM: santan is not married?
Pom-Pom: yes
IM: he is ?
Pom-Pom: but he too likes an old guy
he's anyway as old as rakesh
IM: suggestion: change your dept.
Pom-Pom: kahan jayoon?
IM: MMmmmm...become travel designer
Pom-Pom: ha ha
IM: not the pages to me made by reshmi
not that
Pom-Pom: why dont u suggest it to rahul joshi
IM: something on those lines...coz business can be boring
Pom-Pom: yes boring and with these guys doubly boring
saar din daaru
subhah
shaam
raat
IM: ek cheez karo..make friends thr and go out to new places with them
Pom-Pom: arre there isnt time to make frnds
even if i do
IM: see a movie..eat good food
Pom-Pom: these guys just pile on
IM: oops
:-(
Pom-Pom: and girls get scared of them
IM: u make me laugh
Pom-Pom: foul-mouthed they are
saara din mc, bc
aur daaru
IM: suggestion: might as wll have a drink.
Pom-Pom: imagine in blore
Pom-Pom: what will girls think if rakesh starts talking mc, bc
which he does all the time
IM: bangalore girls will not understamd the language
Pom-Pom: no they do
and they make faces
some of them
if i am talking to a girl suddenly some bc will come
IM: hahahahah
Pom-Pom: into my ears
spoiling the mood
and the girl will never look at me again
morning evening
its all mc, bc
and daaru
IM: u need a break. going home will make you feel better
Sent at 5:25 PM on Sunday
Pom-Pom: and then come back and mc, bc again
in bombay
in bangalore
in delhi
in calcutta
everywhere
IM: i am so sorry
Pom-Pom: even i am sorry
abt myself
Sent at 5:26 PM on Sunday
Pom-Pom: listening to MC Hammer
IM: again MC
Pom-Pom: that was the guy i think
yes
thats all i do all the time
day and night
din aur raat
shaam ko kaam
ab batayo main kya karun
Sent at 5:27 PM on Sunday
(IM has promised me Part Two of this very soon. Till then...)
Hilly Billy
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
The elephant is trying to get back into the tent. Perched on his shoulder is the monkey, Bajrangi. After voluntarily confining himself to trumpeting, the elephant wants to be in the thick of action. He feels that mere trumpeting is not getting him the much-needed respect.
Naturally, Rakshas is a worried man. But more worried are the rest of the people. PMOTB was telling me that he wants to resign. I could not understand why. He told me that the elephant would be a menace if he enters the tent. He is sure to trample on a few clowns. The other residents of the tent are perplexed.
In the battle that will ensue, whom does one support? This is one battle where non-alignment won’t work. Both Rakshas and Jumbo believe in the George Bush principle: If you are not with me, you are against me.
But I personally feel that some exciting times are ahead. Let’s watch the fun from the sidelines making both Rakshas and Jumbo feel that we are with them. But I think, I would do anything to get rid of the monkey perched on Jumbo. Bajrangi is the biggest menace for the clowns. He is the plague and plague has to be eliminated.
Yesterday, I witnessed a strange sight. Rakshas was walking hand-in-hand with Pile-on. The Hill Goat was telling me that he has never seen this happen in at least a year. It’s like the nuclear deal that has brought BJP and the Left on one side. The difference is that the nuclear deal is good; what we have is the nuclear bomb dropped on Nagasaki (complete with exact name)
There are no winners in a nuclear war, so why does the Ring Master do such things? Suggestions are invited on what is in the Ring Master’s mind. I am clueless. Jumbo was to tell me that the Ring Master has been encouraging him to get back into the tent instead of shitting around the circus premises. But Pile-on told our correspondent that Jumbo is haggling for a designation and wants to be back on the show.
Meanwhile, he seems to have given an assurance to Bajrangi that he will see better days. Condemned to watch Fancy Friday’s chapped backside, Bajrangi is hoping for better days. And he has started a PR exercise too: "I heard you were not keeping well? How are you now?" I actually turned around to see if he was addressing someone else. Here was Bajrangi standing in his National Anthem playing posture smiling from ear to ear. I could not understand why he was so concerned about me all of a sudden. Later, I got to know that he has been doing this to everyone.
Our correspondent reports that he literally keeps tabs on Ms Morality. As soon as he sees her go to the loo, he leaves the room and waits outside till she returns: "That was a nice heading" "Thanks for correcting the mistake in the graph" Bajrangi is making the extra effort to be a gentleman. Why?
PS: Comments and suggestions invited to make this more interactive. Monologue is very boring to read.
Naturally, Rakshas is a worried man. But more worried are the rest of the people. PMOTB was telling me that he wants to resign. I could not understand why. He told me that the elephant would be a menace if he enters the tent. He is sure to trample on a few clowns. The other residents of the tent are perplexed.
In the battle that will ensue, whom does one support? This is one battle where non-alignment won’t work. Both Rakshas and Jumbo believe in the George Bush principle: If you are not with me, you are against me.
But I personally feel that some exciting times are ahead. Let’s watch the fun from the sidelines making both Rakshas and Jumbo feel that we are with them. But I think, I would do anything to get rid of the monkey perched on Jumbo. Bajrangi is the biggest menace for the clowns. He is the plague and plague has to be eliminated.
Yesterday, I witnessed a strange sight. Rakshas was walking hand-in-hand with Pile-on. The Hill Goat was telling me that he has never seen this happen in at least a year. It’s like the nuclear deal that has brought BJP and the Left on one side. The difference is that the nuclear deal is good; what we have is the nuclear bomb dropped on Nagasaki (complete with exact name)
There are no winners in a nuclear war, so why does the Ring Master do such things? Suggestions are invited on what is in the Ring Master’s mind. I am clueless. Jumbo was to tell me that the Ring Master has been encouraging him to get back into the tent instead of shitting around the circus premises. But Pile-on told our correspondent that Jumbo is haggling for a designation and wants to be back on the show.
Meanwhile, he seems to have given an assurance to Bajrangi that he will see better days. Condemned to watch Fancy Friday’s chapped backside, Bajrangi is hoping for better days. And he has started a PR exercise too: "I heard you were not keeping well? How are you now?" I actually turned around to see if he was addressing someone else. Here was Bajrangi standing in his National Anthem playing posture smiling from ear to ear. I could not understand why he was so concerned about me all of a sudden. Later, I got to know that he has been doing this to everyone.
Our correspondent reports that he literally keeps tabs on Ms Morality. As soon as he sees her go to the loo, he leaves the room and waits outside till she returns: "That was a nice heading" "Thanks for correcting the mistake in the graph" Bajrangi is making the extra effort to be a gentleman. Why?
PS: Comments and suggestions invited to make this more interactive. Monologue is very boring to read.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Management
When you join the circus, they divide your salary into 138 bits and reassure you this is to make sure you pay minimum tax. Since most people find tax too taxing and complicated, the bogus explanation is sold. After all, nothing like paying less taxes.
But when one receives the first salary, the pinch starts. "Hey, this is less than what I got in my previous job," I have heard many blokes saying. Poor souls!
Gradually, they get used to the grind and accept things as fait accompli. Those who don’t, leave immediately.
Those condemned to stay back, have a time to rejoice. This is at the time of the bonus distribution.
Poor souls!
"O, I’ve got 90%!" Some are happy at even 70%. No need to mention those who get 100%. They are on top of the world.
Listen, guys! When they showed your package, they added 100% of this bonus as your salary. Now, they hold back a percentage of it and literally rob you but you are so happy?
Even those who get 100% would earn more if the amount is ditributed monthly and it is left in a savings bank account for 13 months, — the earliest time when they hand you over the money.
But I guess what matters is that they manage to keep you happy, even if they steal from your pocket.
But when one receives the first salary, the pinch starts. "Hey, this is less than what I got in my previous job," I have heard many blokes saying. Poor souls!
Gradually, they get used to the grind and accept things as fait accompli. Those who don’t, leave immediately.
Those condemned to stay back, have a time to rejoice. This is at the time of the bonus distribution.
Poor souls!
"O, I’ve got 90%!" Some are happy at even 70%. No need to mention those who get 100%. They are on top of the world.
Listen, guys! When they showed your package, they added 100% of this bonus as your salary. Now, they hold back a percentage of it and literally rob you but you are so happy?
Even those who get 100% would earn more if the amount is ditributed monthly and it is left in a savings bank account for 13 months, — the earliest time when they hand you over the money.
But I guess what matters is that they manage to keep you happy, even if they steal from your pocket.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Be(e)di Jalgayi
It’s becoming clearer by the day that newly-wed Alankari from the East has rekindled Pile-on's fire. After claiming to be a sanyasi, who renounced worldly pleasures, Pile-on has become like Vishwamitra, whose tapas was broken by Menaka. The only difference being, this Menaka did not have to dance before Sardar Vishwamitra. She only had to stare at him.
What he finds in her, still intrigues me but there is no doubt Vishwamitra has been smitten.
Gone are the days when truck driver numbers on his juke box gave no respite to people with a better taste and headache to everyone. The songs now we hear are those coochi-cooing love numbers: Mera dil itna pagal hai, Mana hai tu bahad hase... The songs however seem to be lost on her.
And it doesn't end here: She has become the star Alankari for the premier page. But despite best attempts, Alankari is unable to come up with any imaginative graphs as she has not started accessing foreign newspapers for 'inspiration'. Morality has another problem with her: She takes several hours to make a chart.
Pile-on must be left wondering, 'O, why did she not come here a little early? I could have then recommended a double promotion and hike of Rs 25,000 for her'.
CC
What he finds in her, still intrigues me but there is no doubt Vishwamitra has been smitten.
Gone are the days when truck driver numbers on his juke box gave no respite to people with a better taste and headache to everyone. The songs now we hear are those coochi-cooing love numbers: Mera dil itna pagal hai, Mana hai tu bahad hase... The songs however seem to be lost on her.
And it doesn't end here: She has become the star Alankari for the premier page. But despite best attempts, Alankari is unable to come up with any imaginative graphs as she has not started accessing foreign newspapers for 'inspiration'. Morality has another problem with her: She takes several hours to make a chart.
Pile-on must be left wondering, 'O, why did she not come here a little early? I could have then recommended a double promotion and hike of Rs 25,000 for her'.
CC
Use the lounge
While PMOTB wastes his time looking for distractions elsewhere, he is missing in-house opportunity. On a day when he chose to be on leave, she came to office wearing a white T-shirt that said: 'Free Lounge For Crusaders. Open 24 Hours'.
I always feel like reading T-shirt messages but avoid it when women wear them for fear that they would think I was staring at something else. Somehow, I read this one and that too loud. She started laughing, embarrassed, to add: "My friend was asking, 'why did you get this T-shirt'. I told her I did not read the message before I bought them."
"Open 24-hours?" I asked, to add to her embarrassment. I am not quite sure the message was meant for Crusaders or Jihadis. I think it could be one of her desperate measures since the Stud has been courting Alankari. Most of the time she was found standing in front of the Stud with the message: "Open 24 hours."
CC
I always feel like reading T-shirt messages but avoid it when women wear them for fear that they would think I was staring at something else. Somehow, I read this one and that too loud. She started laughing, embarrassed, to add: "My friend was asking, 'why did you get this T-shirt'. I told her I did not read the message before I bought them."
"Open 24-hours?" I asked, to add to her embarrassment. I am not quite sure the message was meant for Crusaders or Jihadis. I think it could be one of her desperate measures since the Stud has been courting Alankari. Most of the time she was found standing in front of the Stud with the message: "Open 24 hours."
CC
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Pile-on & Passive
Pile-on: Raam-raam sahen saheb
Passive: Saab ko salam
Pile-on: Arre Partition ka kaafi log sarahana kiya he. mai khud bhi dang hoon is baat se
Passive: It was certainly different
Pile-on: TK ne sms kiya ki brilliant he, saala aaj tak nahin kiya usne
Passive: Tab to dam tha. He has been somewhat critical of earlier pieces
Pile-on: Saaron ka nahin. Sirf woh think ka aur mona lisa waala baaki uske theek lage the, par aisa sms usne kabhi nahin bheja
Passive: Sir leave journalism as be a fulltime writer, waise aap journalist ke roop me bhi kafi hit rahe
Pile-on: Loda hit rahe kuch nahin hit rahe.
Passive: Saab ko salam
Pile-on: Arre Partition ka kaafi log sarahana kiya he. mai khud bhi dang hoon is baat se
Passive: It was certainly different
Pile-on: TK ne sms kiya ki brilliant he, saala aaj tak nahin kiya usne
Passive: Tab to dam tha. He has been somewhat critical of earlier pieces
Pile-on: Saaron ka nahin. Sirf woh think ka aur mona lisa waala baaki uske theek lage the, par aisa sms usne kabhi nahin bheja
Passive: Sir leave journalism as be a fulltime writer, waise aap journalist ke roop me bhi kafi hit rahe
Pile-on: Loda hit rahe kuch nahin hit rahe.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Imelda's insights
Imelda: Yooohooo
Me: Hello!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't know you had gone already, how many days?
Imelda: That’s how much you pay attention despite me making so much noise around you. Back 25th Sat. Sun at work
Me: No, I thought you were on leave. Since Rotawala took his PL, I said how come Imelda too is not there? Then Morality said, “she's in
Imelda: I left Monday. No queen yet. Who's managing morning shift? Billow?
Me: It was like a headless chicken, Billow too disappeared, Rakshas was so hassled
Imelda: She too on leave? Wow!
Me: Yeah, some people take leave at the opportune moment :)
Imelda: Lovely! That's what he gets for spoon feeding her. She's gone off with his balls!
Me: Yeah, he's getting it from everyone. Today Morality took him on in front of TK, before that it was Passive Watcher's turn. Rakshas never had balls.
Imelda: :-)
Me: That is why he is so angry. He thinks it's an unfair world
Imelda: But Billow is amazing
Me: Yeah, she came today. To add to the mystery, Bajrangi and Friday too disappeared together, surfaced today. I think there is something happening
Me: Old man Bajrangi is getting naughty
Imelda: It is a circus
Me: Now it's more like a zoo
Imelda: Billow os very confident. Just doesn't want to take responsibility, plays dumb
Me: So Bajrnagi is the perfect anti-dote for her
Imelda: All afternoon she’s tracking the markets
Me: Big-time investor?
Imelda: She deserved to be yelled. First thing she does when she enters off. is to check an redo makeup
Me: But she is so loud and jarring in her attire and costume
Imelda: That's Lucknawi-ishtile
Me: But has Rakshas taken a fancy towards her?
Imelda: Sometimes I feel he has, keeps calling her to his desk for trivial issues
Me: And what else does he do to her?
Imelda: no idea as to do...but tries… tries to strike up a convo. but intimidates her
Me: The guy has some guts after having a record
Imelda: He questions aggressively and she’s got no answer; then, when there's extra work, he makes layouts and selects stories for her. He does most of the work when she’s thru
Me: Must be expecting something in return
Imelda: One day, when he had done work for her, I too gave my dummy and said make the layout and give stories, he looked at me blankly.
Me: But anyway poor taste, Rakshas likes bulky round-shaped women
Imelda: He's an under-confident specimen, that’s why he's so loud, he tries to cover up his shortcomings by being loud. u know I cant keep quite and end up questioning him about a lot of issues, and he lays off
Me: He's an overgrown kid, problem starts at home, his father treats him like a kid....these days he's having a fight with Bajrangi
Imelda: u know why? I might have an insight. Bajrangi is gaining territory
Me: Has he successfully activated the Panditji link with Ringmaster?
Imelda: Rakshas is getting cramped. Rotawala is out of the way and no threat. Now, that Namkeen-wala has been constantly complaning abt Bajrangi
Imelda: And Rakshas asked me what to do..,and I said, let something happen in front of you and then deal with Bajrangi. Its called creeping acquisition...to gain territory..pushed out Rotawala and so it’s Bajrangi’s turn.
Me: How is Bajrangi gaining ground?
Imelda: Little, little...charts, graphics, Friday
Me: I am supporting Rakshas in his battle against Bajrangi
Imelda: Bajrangi is a cancer, he will need to be cut out
Me: Yeah, charts graphs, ok but Friday, Rakshas will never forgive him
Imelda: Namkeenwala said things to Rakshad what Bajrangi had said about him; that’s peeved him
Imelda: No one likes to hear bad things about themselves and that to constantly, Thats why Rakshas wants to act soon
Me: Yeah, good Namkeenwala too has his uses; such a good weapon, diamond cuts diamond.
Me: Let's get Bajrangi and Rakshas to fight. I hear that they bitch in public now.
Imelda: That will happen. It’s on the verge of boiling point
Me: Then we will say, go Rakshas, go!
Imelda: He's a bad man manager, that’s because of no sex, daaru is his downfall
Me: Someone must go meet his father and tell the damage he is doing to his son and whoever comes across him.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Abidali's thanksgiving
When the company pays for your rented house and when you get rent from your own house, you have to say "thank you" to those responsible for it in someway? Pile-on may say that is not necessary but Ahmedshah Abidali, the erstwhile viceroy of the kingdom and now the de facto king, thinks he has to keep some of the people who matter humoured.
So he pays a monthly visit to the Capital, and after collecting the rent in cash (unaccounted black money), he spends a part of it on Pile-on and his chelas. To have a smooth run of the kingdom, he also pays obeisance to the present viceroy Del Piero too. Also invited for the binge at the Capital's waterhole is Rakshas.
Yesterday was one such occasion when Abdiali threw a party. Our correspondent, who gatecrashed for the occasion, failed to file his copy. So we are left guessing as to what happened there. Did Rakshas throw up after consuming too much free booze? Did Pile-on transfer the whole team to some 24-hour restaurant or teka to continue the binge after the cats took over the waterhole? Did Pile-on's chelas create a ruckus? Hopefully, our correspondent will be able to tell us something today.
But one thing that can be said for sure is that Ahmedshah must have missed Chipkili falling all over him during his trip back home this time. I am told he used to wear a helmet, apart from the seat belt, because he feared an accident would occur any time with Chipkili precariously falling all over him. But he could never resist those drives which ended with the act of transferring a semi-conscious Chipkili from his car into her bed.
So he pays a monthly visit to the Capital, and after collecting the rent in cash (unaccounted black money), he spends a part of it on Pile-on and his chelas. To have a smooth run of the kingdom, he also pays obeisance to the present viceroy Del Piero too. Also invited for the binge at the Capital's waterhole is Rakshas.
Yesterday was one such occasion when Abdiali threw a party. Our correspondent, who gatecrashed for the occasion, failed to file his copy. So we are left guessing as to what happened there. Did Rakshas throw up after consuming too much free booze? Did Pile-on transfer the whole team to some 24-hour restaurant or teka to continue the binge after the cats took over the waterhole? Did Pile-on's chelas create a ruckus? Hopefully, our correspondent will be able to tell us something today.
But one thing that can be said for sure is that Ahmedshah must have missed Chipkili falling all over him during his trip back home this time. I am told he used to wear a helmet, apart from the seat belt, because he feared an accident would occur any time with Chipkili precariously falling all over him. But he could never resist those drives which ended with the act of transferring a semi-conscious Chipkili from his car into her bed.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Price hike
Dum-dum has jacked up the price of his ass. After several rounds of talks with the competition commission, he has fixed a rate of Rs 45,000 for Bajrangi and Rakshas to take his ass.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
One man, many posts
The news at this hour
Our
Friday, August 10, 2007
Kaliyug
After failing to catch the Ringmaster's eye despite trying his tricks at video-conferences and morning meetings, Bajrangi is a little crestfallen these days.
A crestfallen Bajrangi is something that most look forward to, but not Rakshas. If at all there is a person's affection for which Rotawala and Rakshas competes, it is Bajrangi's. I still don’t know why. The probable explanation is that they need him to do their dirty work, to divert the hatred, to deflect the number of abuses heaped by colleagues, to divide the number of flat tyres...
Last night, when I was in the car with Rotawala, he told me, "we were not considered for the high-flier award because of our seniority." "But I thought Ringmaster specified what was senior in terms of the award," I said.
Then it struck me: This must have been the explanation that Rakshas must have given Bajrangi. Poor Rotawala, who himself needed some consolation, just fell for the explanation and furthered it. I did not hold it back. I told Rotawala from where, I thought, the explanation originated. Rotawala was silent...
Today, confirmation came from the Passive Watcher. Bajrangi repeated, word for word, what Rotawala had said. Since Rotawala did not deny my presumption, and since he did not claim to be the author of the ‘we were not considered because of seniority’ thesis, I think my guess is right. It was Rakshas consoling Bajrangi.
Once upon a time, Bajrang Bali set a Rakshas’ abode on fire. Now you need a Rakshas to console a Bajrangi!
A crestfallen Bajrangi is something that most look forward to, but not Rakshas. If at all there is a person's affection for which Rotawala and Rakshas competes, it is Bajrangi's. I still don’t know why. The probable explanation is that they need him to do their dirty work, to divert the hatred, to deflect the number of abuses heaped by colleagues, to divide the number of flat tyres...
Last night, when I was in the car with Rotawala, he told me, "we were not considered for the high-flier award because of our seniority." "But I thought Ringmaster specified what was senior in terms of the award," I said.
Then it struck me: This must have been the explanation that Rakshas must have given Bajrangi. Poor Rotawala, who himself needed some consolation, just fell for the explanation and furthered it. I did not hold it back. I told Rotawala from where, I thought, the explanation originated. Rotawala was silent...
Today, confirmation came from the Passive Watcher. Bajrangi repeated, word for word, what Rotawala had said. Since Rotawala did not deny my presumption, and since he did not claim to be the author of the ‘we were not considered because of seniority’ thesis, I think my guess is right. It was Rakshas consoling Bajrangi.
Once upon a time, Bajrang Bali set a Rakshas’ abode on fire. Now you need a Rakshas to console a Bajrangi!
Comma and colon
He was looking very happy and behaved like a licky Labrador that had met its master after a long time. Although Rakshas’ friendly overtures of late is not extraordinary, this one, I knew, had some special reason. Was he planning to ask me to have daru with him?
He did not keep me guessing for long. After the mandatory shake hand (another guy who insists on shaking your hand) he jumped to the topic. "Hey what is this wrong story going on your page? Don’t commit such blunders! Don’t you know it’s increment time?"
Now, increment time is something that does not bother me. I think the software is programmed. Ringmaster has his preferences and sadly a good number of them are duds, except for a Morality here or a Variety there. I almost made a face to indicate that increment is no weapon that could be used against me. But I was curious to know about this error because I remember going through the page thoroughly.
"What, where," I asked impatiently. He ran back to get a copy of the paper, opened the page and showed me the ‘blunder.’ "So what is wrong with it?" "Yaar, don’t you see that the main story is about CPM and BJP opposing the nuclear deal and this inset’s heading is also on the same. But you have some copy from Islamabad in it."
The copy from Islamabad was about Pakistan opposing the nuclear deal between India and US This was used as an inset in a report which talked about CPM’s and BJP’s opposition to the deal. I had to explain to Rakshas that the heading, ‘Look who is with CPM, BJP!’ meant the parties were in the same company as Pakistan.
"Oooooooooo, you meant that! OK! That is ALSO correct! What I thought you meant was that the BJP is with CPM." "Yeah that’s the main story, so why should the inset say the same?"
Rakshas does not seem to know where one uses a comma and where one would use a colon or dash. Or, may be, the eager beaver was trying to look for mistakes and fell for this one. (Hillgoat, use ‘&’ next time, no commas!).
But no sooner had I finished explaining, he left the scene. I thought I was at Sriharikota watching a PSLV launch.
CC
He did not keep me guessing for long. After the mandatory shake hand (another guy who insists on shaking your hand) he jumped to the topic. "Hey what is this wrong story going on your page? Don’t commit such blunders! Don’t you know it’s increment time?"
Now, increment time is something that does not bother me. I think the software is programmed. Ringmaster has his preferences and sadly a good number of them are duds, except for a Morality here or a Variety there. I almost made a face to indicate that increment is no weapon that could be used against me. But I was curious to know about this error because I remember going through the page thoroughly.
"What, where," I asked impatiently. He ran back to get a copy of the paper, opened the page and showed me the ‘blunder.’ "So what is wrong with it?" "Yaar, don’t you see that the main story is about CPM and BJP opposing the nuclear deal and this inset’s heading is also on the same. But you have some copy from Islamabad in it."
The copy from Islamabad was about Pakistan opposing the nuclear deal between India and US This was used as an inset in a report which talked about CPM’s and BJP’s opposition to the deal. I had to explain to Rakshas that the heading, ‘Look who is with CPM, BJP!’ meant the parties were in the same company as Pakistan.
"Oooooooooo, you meant that! OK! That is ALSO correct! What I thought you meant was that the BJP is with CPM." "Yeah that’s the main story, so why should the inset say the same?"
Rakshas does not seem to know where one uses a comma and where one would use a colon or dash. Or, may be, the eager beaver was trying to look for mistakes and fell for this one. (Hillgoat, use ‘&’ next time, no commas!).
But no sooner had I finished explaining, he left the scene. I thought I was at Sriharikota watching a PSLV launch.
CC
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
88 words
This is not some movie title like Hitchcock's 39 Steps. Some of you have already heard the story from me. This is for those who did not and for the record. After Funky's exit from our tent, Rakshas proudly presented before us with a 'teacher.' I soon realised that the teacher had to be taught some basics. He never knew there was something called a deadline. I still wonder how he choregraphed with Del Piero, without having an idea about deadlines. When I explained to him about the line of assembly operations that would see all our efforts put to waste if we don't meet the deadline, he looked so intense that I thought I had successfully conveyed the message. But the days that followed showed that the lesson was lost on the teacher. He has his own deadline. The intense look I saw was not a sign of his concentration. He is just dazed.
He is not a bad guy, neither is he a fool. He has experience, he has knowledge of the subject and grasp over the language. But he is always looking dazed. Dazed like he narrowly escaped an air crash and landed in office. If he is not dazed, he fiddles. The grid masters have made things bad enough. A fiddler on the page is the last thing I am longing for.
If he has made a good design, he invariably will fiddle with it for the second show. His reasoning: The stories were not long enough. "But what about using a photograph?" "Do we use photographs?" Now I feel he is mocking me. But he looks tense and I feel he is soon going to release his tension on me. The Perpetually Amused Man on front page had the other day told me a story about how the Teacher had broken a finger of some guy who used abusive language against him. I thought that warning was meant for someone else working with me but the intensity of Teacher's looks made me feel distinctly uncomfortable.
He has a disarming smile and he greets you invariably by shaking your hand. Now hand shake is something I dislike unless there is an occasion. Everyday greetings are best maintained with a genuine smile or a hello, I think. But the Teacher grips me with a handshake, daily.
To come back to the story, I told him: "yes we do use photos and you have used one here for the first show. Only the story has changed, you could have used another appropriate photo and this story would have not been short. In fact, it would have been excess by a hundred words." "No, no, no, it's not 100 words, it will be excess by 88 words," he contradicted me. I did not know whether to laugh or to cry. "Don't worry, he is a nice guy," PMOTB rubbed it in. I knew he was having his revenge because I did not specifically ask for him when Funky left. But that was because Rakshas had preempted the Teacher on me and at that moment, I had forgotten about PMOTB. What a torture to go through because I could not remember PMOTB's name!
CC
He is not a bad guy, neither is he a fool. He has experience, he has knowledge of the subject and grasp over the language. But he is always looking dazed. Dazed like he narrowly escaped an air crash and landed in office. If he is not dazed, he fiddles. The grid masters have made things bad enough. A fiddler on the page is the last thing I am longing for.
If he has made a good design, he invariably will fiddle with it for the second show. His reasoning: The stories were not long enough. "But what about using a photograph?" "Do we use photographs?" Now I feel he is mocking me. But he looks tense and I feel he is soon going to release his tension on me. The Perpetually Amused Man on front page had the other day told me a story about how the Teacher had broken a finger of some guy who used abusive language against him. I thought that warning was meant for someone else working with me but the intensity of Teacher's looks made me feel distinctly uncomfortable.
He has a disarming smile and he greets you invariably by shaking your hand. Now hand shake is something I dislike unless there is an occasion. Everyday greetings are best maintained with a genuine smile or a hello, I think. But the Teacher grips me with a handshake, daily.
To come back to the story, I told him: "yes we do use photos and you have used one here for the first show. Only the story has changed, you could have used another appropriate photo and this story would have not been short. In fact, it would have been excess by a hundred words." "No, no, no, it's not 100 words, it will be excess by 88 words," he contradicted me. I did not know whether to laugh or to cry. "Don't worry, he is a nice guy," PMOTB rubbed it in. I knew he was having his revenge because I did not specifically ask for him when Funky left. But that was because Rakshas had preempted the Teacher on me and at that moment, I had forgotten about PMOTB. What a torture to go through because I could not remember PMOTB's name!
CC
Monday, August 6, 2007
Friedman
Thomas Friedman was here recently and some of our 'friends' had the opportunity to meet him. The following is the conversation they had with him:
Jumbo: "Did you say the world is flat? I think the world is fat"
Rakshas: "No, no, the world is fart, and my tyre is flat"
Rotawal: "Teekae, jobhi, whatever...flat, fleet..."
Pile-on Bhatti: "Whatever it is, someone please ensure my stomach is not flat"
Naxal Das: "My stomach is flat and after two drinks, I am flat."
Bajarangi: "As DNE, I must add that Nancy's can never be flat"
Dum-dum: "If everything's so flat, how come I can't find a flat? (in Mumbai)
Tiwari: "I think world falt." (He meant the world is at fault)
CC: "Whatever you think of the world, my world is full of faltus"
Jumbo: "Did you say the world is flat? I think the world is fat"
Rakshas: "No, no, the world is fart, and my tyre is flat"
Rotawal: "Teekae, jobhi, whatever...flat, fleet..."
Pile-on Bhatti: "Whatever it is, someone please ensure my stomach is not flat"
Naxal Das: "My stomach is flat and after two drinks, I am flat."
Bajarangi: "As DNE, I must add that Nancy's can never be flat"
Dum-dum: "If everything's so flat, how come I can't find a flat? (in Mumbai)
Tiwari: "I think world falt." (He meant the world is at fault)
CC: "Whatever you think of the world, my world is full of faltus"
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Search continues
Gmat: kisko mila?
me: they are saying Bajrangi and TTLS. But i doubt it
They are happy and all
but still
Gmat: TTLS???
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: Yes
its very confysing
Gmat: but
me: i know
am filing a case in SC
Gmat: human rights commission
me: right
how can Ringmaster be so stupid?
Feel like resigning
Gmat: they havnt given me salary for the July
me: why?
hey i heard there is cash component to the award too
Gmat: dont know.. will get in in August only.. had to cough up huge as flat security then the expenses on tranportation
me: ok
Hey how come two people 'got' the award in Delhi and only one in Mumabi
Gmat: all in all 15 in Circus
me: ok. The bastard didnt give me
will fuck Ringmaster
How is this James chap
IS he senior and all
Gmat: DNE
me: Is is salary high and all?
Gmat: Must be
me: bastard Bajrangi will screw me more now
No use working hard here
People like u and I do all the donkey's work and no reward
Gmat: paisa to dhobi ko hi milega... gadhe ko to laat hi milega
me: right. am resigning as soon as i get the hike, if any
Hey tell me something did the bombay guys get any mail about the award?
Gmat: it was sent to all user
me: nobody in Delhi got it yaar
Gmat: ok
PMOTB
me: they are saying Bajrangi and TTLS. But i doubt it
They are happy and all
but still
Gmat: TTLS???
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: Yes
its very confysing
Gmat: but
me: i know
am filing a case in SC
Gmat: human rights commission
me: right
how can Ringmaster be so stupid?
Feel like resigning
Gmat: they havnt given me salary for the July
me: why?
hey i heard there is cash component to the award too
Gmat: dont know.. will get in in August only.. had to cough up huge as flat security then the expenses on tranportation
me: ok
Hey how come two people 'got' the award in Delhi and only one in Mumabi
Gmat: all in all 15 in Circus
me: ok. The bastard didnt give me
will fuck Ringmaster
How is this James chap
IS he senior and all
Gmat: DNE
me: Is is salary high and all?
Gmat: Must be
me: bastard Bajrangi will screw me more now
No use working hard here
People like u and I do all the donkey's work and no reward
Gmat: paisa to dhobi ko hi milega... gadhe ko to laat hi milega
me: right. am resigning as soon as i get the hike, if any
Hey tell me something did the bombay guys get any mail about the award?
Gmat: it was sent to all user
me: nobody in Delhi got it yaar
Gmat: ok
PMOTB
In conversation with the Lizard
Chipkili: Hi
CC: Hello!
Chipkili: A little bird tells me that Bajrangi and TTLS! are this year's star performers in Delhi. TTLS?
CC: Yeah, something strange is happening, all kinds of people are getting money on some pretext or the other. I am told this TTLS has some connection with 4th floor
Chipkili: Hahahaahahaa
CC: Never heard of any such thing, did they give this to anyone in Bmy?
Chipkili: Yes
Someone I know? I don't know very many people in Bmy
Chipkili: James
CC: James Last?
James Bond?
Chipkili: :)
No no
I mean I don't know his last name
CC: Anyway good, they are giving money for some persons at least. Is James on the desk? Have never heard of him. I have heard of Kannan, Badra, Rajan, Shibu, Mahesh, Sartak, now you, Michael, Barun
Chipkili: James is on the desk. A very deserving candidate
CC: OK, oh I forgot Shubha. But may be they are trying to make up because she did not get hike last time, Bajrangi as you know is related to Vajpayee
Chipkili: She as in? TTLS?
CC: TTLS
Chipkili: OK
CC: But Rs 75,000 at one go is too good
I don't think that's the amount. I think the amount is Rs 30,000
CC: TTLS was showing the letter to everyone, she was jumping with joy, to be fair to her, she took us to press club
Chipkili: What?
CC: Yeah, Pankaj as usual said we need a party and she was more than willing
Chipkili: But what was her star performance?
CC: And there was a race to drop her home
Chipkili: What was her star performance that bypassed others
CC: I don't know, I am told she does centre pages well, then there is this rumour that she has connections, then someone says it's to make up for bad increment, God knows, whatever!
Chipkili: OK
CC: May be they drew lots as they found no one in Delhi up to the mark
Chipkili: 4th floor connections
CC: Or cud be pahari connection, Ring Master is also a pahari settled in Allahabad
Chipkili: Hahahahaaa'
CC: I think Pankaj also has got some money, he was talking about some Rs 30,000 but he has not told me, may be he felt bad
Chipkili: OK
Chipkili: They should have also given you
CC: Yeah, wish you were the editor
Chipkili: :P
CC: but if you reach that level, may be you will also talk management, forget old friends
Chipkili: Hahahahahaa! Didn't Bajrangi give u a vegetarian treat?
CC: Bajrangi was in two minds, he wanted to tell people that he is a high flier but refused to show the letter...but people saw him come out of the room
Chipkili: Then u should have grabbed him immediately when he came on the desk side
CC: How does it matter? If one gets a deal, which one thinks is better than what one is receiving now, one will quit
Chipkili: Of course, of course. But I was just talking of a treat. Should have broken Bajrangi's neck
CC: OK, he treats us everyday to puffed rice
Chipkili: And shows his generosity, right?
CC: Yeah, 365 days a year, all these years, very generous
Chipkili: Hahahahahaaa! Chalo, I think we have done too much of bitching
CC: I am told he gets touchy while distributing it to women
Chipkili: Hahahhaaaa! Bye
CC: Bye!
CC: Hello!
Chipkili: A little bird tells me that Bajrangi and TTLS! are this year's star performers in Delhi. TTLS?
CC: Yeah, something strange is happening, all kinds of people are getting money on some pretext or the other. I am told this TTLS has some connection with 4th floor
Chipkili: Hahahaahahaa
CC: Never heard of any such thing, did they give this to anyone in Bmy?
Chipkili: Yes
Someone I know? I don't know very many people in Bmy
Chipkili: James
CC: James Last?
James Bond?
Chipkili: :)
No no
I mean I don't know his last name
CC: Anyway good, they are giving money for some persons at least. Is James on the desk? Have never heard of him. I have heard of Kannan, Badra, Rajan, Shibu, Mahesh, Sartak, now you, Michael, Barun
Chipkili: James is on the desk. A very deserving candidate
CC: OK, oh I forgot Shubha. But may be they are trying to make up because she did not get hike last time, Bajrangi as you know is related to Vajpayee
Chipkili: She as in? TTLS?
CC: TTLS
Chipkili: OK
CC: But Rs 75,000 at one go is too good
I don't think that's the amount. I think the amount is Rs 30,000
CC: TTLS was showing the letter to everyone, she was jumping with joy, to be fair to her, she took us to press club
Chipkili: What?
CC: Yeah, Pankaj as usual said we need a party and she was more than willing
Chipkili: But what was her star performance?
CC: And there was a race to drop her home
Chipkili: What was her star performance that bypassed others
CC: I don't know, I am told she does centre pages well, then there is this rumour that she has connections, then someone says it's to make up for bad increment, God knows, whatever!
Chipkili: OK
CC: May be they drew lots as they found no one in Delhi up to the mark
Chipkili: 4th floor connections
CC: Or cud be pahari connection, Ring Master is also a pahari settled in Allahabad
Chipkili: Hahahahaaa'
CC: I think Pankaj also has got some money, he was talking about some Rs 30,000 but he has not told me, may be he felt bad
Chipkili: OK
Chipkili: They should have also given you
CC: Yeah, wish you were the editor
Chipkili: :P
CC: but if you reach that level, may be you will also talk management, forget old friends
Chipkili: Hahahahahaa! Didn't Bajrangi give u a vegetarian treat?
CC: Bajrangi was in two minds, he wanted to tell people that he is a high flier but refused to show the letter...but people saw him come out of the room
Chipkili: Then u should have grabbed him immediately when he came on the desk side
CC: How does it matter? If one gets a deal, which one thinks is better than what one is receiving now, one will quit
Chipkili: Of course, of course. But I was just talking of a treat. Should have broken Bajrangi's neck
CC: OK, he treats us everyday to puffed rice
Chipkili: And shows his generosity, right?
CC: Yeah, 365 days a year, all these years, very generous
Chipkili: Hahahahahaaa! Chalo, I think we have done too much of bitching
CC: I am told he gets touchy while distributing it to women
Chipkili: Hahahhaaaa! Bye
CC: Bye!
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Lingua Tiwara
me: is this the final layout or any changes?
Tiwari: am sending again
me: ok...should i wait for it then?
Tiwari: no i sent rishi
u can take from him
thx
me: mukesh graph pls...
Tiwari: one sec
me: ok
Tiwari: take this one
me: tks...
Tiwari: anytime
mukesh graphic will be revised, there is some problem
pls what for that
me: pls send HUL graphic...urgent..pls..
Tiwari: it will some time
Tiwari: who is doing pannel
Tiwari: who is doing pannel today
is there any spl panel
can you send me
me: sat spl panel...
ya sending u....
Tiwari: can you try to send me
thx
5 minutes
me: got it?
Tiwari: yes
one sec
this is for HUL
me: pls send sat spl illustration
Tiwari: what is abt spl pane
panel
there is nothing
me: panel is on the four sat spl pages
Tiwari: means right one
Tiwari: is there any brief spacial pointer for the today?
like we had yesterday
me: no, not as of now...
Tiwari: ok
if you, pls let me know
thx
Tiwari: hi this is the mumbai page
me: ok...
Tiwari: do u want that i can work for delhi size also
aslo
me: will u be able to do that?
Tiwari: see if you can manage that will ok
me: ok...will do...
Tiwari: otherwise i'll do it here only
Tiwari: see this only can send you system guy
sorry this is low res file i have like there in G:
me: what pic is it?
Tiwari: gas pix
me: cool
11 minutes
Tiwari: theillustration is sending via system thankx
me: got them thanks
Tiwari: ok
Tiwari: am sending again
me: ok...should i wait for it then?
Tiwari: no i sent rishi
u can take from him
thx
me: mukesh graph pls...
Tiwari: one sec
me: ok
Tiwari: take this one
me: tks...
Tiwari: anytime
mukesh graphic will be revised, there is some problem
pls what for that
me: pls send HUL graphic...urgent..pls..
Tiwari: it will some time
Tiwari: who is doing pannel
Tiwari: who is doing pannel today
is there any spl panel
can you send me
me: sat spl panel...
ya sending u....
Tiwari: can you try to send me
thx
5 minutes
me: got it?
Tiwari: yes
one sec
this is for HUL
me: pls send sat spl illustration
Tiwari: what is abt spl pane
panel
there is nothing
me: panel is on the four sat spl pages
Tiwari: means right one
Tiwari: is there any brief spacial pointer for the today?
like we had yesterday
me: no, not as of now...
Tiwari: ok
if you, pls let me know
thx
Tiwari: hi this is the mumbai page
me: ok...
Tiwari: do u want that i can work for delhi size also
aslo
me: will u be able to do that?
Tiwari: see if you can manage that will ok
me: ok...will do...
Tiwari: otherwise i'll do it here only
Tiwari: see this only can send you system guy
sorry this is low res file i have like there in G:
me: what pic is it?
Tiwari: gas pix
me: cool
11 minutes
Tiwari: theillustration is sending via system thankx
me: got them thanks
Tiwari: ok
The news at this hour
Gmat topper has topped the charts in the company's 'charity show'. However that has made him desperate than happy. According to latest reports, Gmat was still trying to find out how many more stars are there in the horizon.
The poor man on the bike, who will swear for Gmat's honesty, was contacted by Gmat. After telling him the name of the second charity winner in Mumbai he was asked, "who got it in Delhi?" PMOTB had no idea and could not feed him with the info. Gmat, meanwhile, kept it a secret that he too was a recipient of the 'Padma Bhushan".
Meanwhile, Gmat's girl chatted up Imelda to find out the Delhi winner. Ulta Chipkili told Imelda that Gmat and a certain James were the winners in Mumbai and then asked, "how about Delhi?" Imelda contacted this correspondent for two random names and was given two names -- Bajrangi and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. After Imelda passed on this 'information' she was greeted by laughter. Ulta Chipkili was certain that Bajrangi and TTLS were not of the same calibre of Gmat. After Imelda took a serious tone, U Chipkili was left wondering, "Is my man only as good as TTLS?" Meanwhile, she has told correspondents, "Life is beautiful." Our correspondent understands that this means that there is an airconditioner in her house now to cool her during the workout, because she had said "sultry days" earlier.
Art critic and reviewer Sasi Tiwari has threatened to stop writing reviews for his magazine over a certain letter to the editor that appeared in the magazine. Mr Tiwari is supposed to have told our correspondent that he was terribly hurt at the insult heaped on him after he had done a wonderful job. It is believed that Mr Tiwari had for the first time in his life used the spell-check and hence was all the more miffed that people were taking pot shots at his work. According to an agency report, Mr Tiwari's resignation letter got rejected as the magazine editor was unable to figure out that it was one.
Ice-cream sales in Delhi has soared ever since Stud has seriously started courting Alanankari. Mother Diary MD, in a statement here today, said that the company is making emergency arrangements for supply of ice-cream from Haryana and Uttar Pradesh to meet the demand.
Fancy Friday and Bajrangi who went missing last Friday, were seen frolicking at a mall in Noida, according to lowly-placed unreliable sources. FM is reported to have asked Bajrangi for his credit card in exchange for holding her hand. The touchy guy refused as he believed that he could get touchy for free as long as he enjoyed the patronage of Rotawala and Rakshas.
The Asterix village has been left poorer with the departure of Funky Monkey. On the last day of his show in Delhi, Funky had dinner with some close associates. Among the participants was a mobile-friendly girl who reminded this correspondent of Donald Duck. There were reports in a section of the press that Funky is courting her and was running away to Chennai because the chase was over and Funky was no longer interested in Donald. Funky has denied these reports but not that he is courting Donald.
According to another unreliable source, the Hill Goat tried to get Funky to act before he left for Chennai. Our correspondent tried to look through the keyhole but was unable to see if Funky did act. An expert, however felt that it was unlikely that Funky would have done it: "It's quite unlikely that Funky would have succeeded. You have to remember that, after all, Funky is a monkey. Goats are much more virile and active in these matters. Their mountainous origins have made them surefooted in all what they do."
That's all in this bulletin. Keep reading and do send in your comments and feedback!
Sat Sri Akal!
CC
The poor man on the bike, who will swear for Gmat's honesty, was contacted by Gmat. After telling him the name of the second charity winner in Mumbai he was asked, "who got it in Delhi?" PMOTB had no idea and could not feed him with the info. Gmat, meanwhile, kept it a secret that he too was a recipient of the 'Padma Bhushan".
Meanwhile, Gmat's girl chatted up Imelda to find out the Delhi winner. Ulta Chipkili told Imelda that Gmat and a certain James were the winners in Mumbai and then asked, "how about Delhi?" Imelda contacted this correspondent for two random names and was given two names -- Bajrangi and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. After Imelda passed on this 'information' she was greeted by laughter. Ulta Chipkili was certain that Bajrangi and TTLS were not of the same calibre of Gmat. After Imelda took a serious tone, U Chipkili was left wondering, "Is my man only as good as TTLS?" Meanwhile, she has told correspondents, "Life is beautiful." Our correspondent understands that this means that there is an airconditioner in her house now to cool her during the workout, because she had said "sultry days" earlier.
Art critic and reviewer Sasi Tiwari has threatened to stop writing reviews for his magazine over a certain letter to the editor that appeared in the magazine. Mr Tiwari is supposed to have told our correspondent that he was terribly hurt at the insult heaped on him after he had done a wonderful job. It is believed that Mr Tiwari had for the first time in his life used the spell-check and hence was all the more miffed that people were taking pot shots at his work. According to an agency report, Mr Tiwari's resignation letter got rejected as the magazine editor was unable to figure out that it was one.
Ice-cream sales in Delhi has soared ever since Stud has seriously started courting Alanankari. Mother Diary MD, in a statement here today, said that the company is making emergency arrangements for supply of ice-cream from Haryana and Uttar Pradesh to meet the demand.
Fancy Friday and Bajrangi who went missing last Friday, were seen frolicking at a mall in Noida, according to lowly-placed unreliable sources. FM is reported to have asked Bajrangi for his credit card in exchange for holding her hand. The touchy guy refused as he believed that he could get touchy for free as long as he enjoyed the patronage of Rotawala and Rakshas.
The Asterix village has been left poorer with the departure of Funky Monkey. On the last day of his show in Delhi, Funky had dinner with some close associates. Among the participants was a mobile-friendly girl who reminded this correspondent of Donald Duck. There were reports in a section of the press that Funky is courting her and was running away to Chennai because the chase was over and Funky was no longer interested in Donald. Funky has denied these reports but not that he is courting Donald.
According to another unreliable source, the Hill Goat tried to get Funky to act before he left for Chennai. Our correspondent tried to look through the keyhole but was unable to see if Funky did act. An expert, however felt that it was unlikely that Funky would have done it: "It's quite unlikely that Funky would have succeeded. You have to remember that, after all, Funky is a monkey. Goats are much more virile and active in these matters. Their mountainous origins have made them surefooted in all what they do."
That's all in this bulletin. Keep reading and do send in your comments and feedback!
Sat Sri Akal!
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Saturday, July 28, 2007
Morality Express
Morality is supposed to cut-paste the dialogue she had with Quark Express. What happened?
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Thursday, July 26, 2007
Friday & I
Friday: hey nice reply 2 design mail
me: u guys shd also do similar things
Friday: he he
need to hav gutts 4 dat
m must admit dat i lack it
me: everybody is a employee, as long as one is not working against the company, it is fine
Friday: hmm but i guess ur designation, popularity, rapport etc do matter
me: will I win in a popularity contest :)
Friday: ya ya netime
hands down
me: now this will be published as opinion poll
Friday: yo sure
:D
I am appointing her my PR manager
CC
me: u guys shd also do similar things
Friday: he he
need to hav gutts 4 dat
m must admit dat i lack it
me: everybody is a employee, as long as one is not working against the company, it is fine
Friday: hmm but i guess ur designation, popularity, rapport etc do matter
me: will I win in a popularity contest :)
Friday: ya ya netime
hands down
me: now this will be published as opinion poll
Friday: yo sure
:D
I am appointing her my PR manager
CC
Monday, July 16, 2007
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