If you thought he was just another QuarkXpress, think again. Dr Tiwari is on Mission Pathbreaking (pronounced as mis-un path-brking). Google has commissioned him to develop a new communication code. News has it that it will be the next big thing after Samuel Morse invented his dash and dots.
Doc Tiwari is working on his project in right earnest. Today, he made an important invention: If you want someone to check the graph and okay it, what will you say? Using Googletalk, you may say something like this: "Please go through the data and see if the graph is okay" So many words, so many extra seconds consumed! According to the Tiwari Code, you just have to say: "Secure graph."
Yes, this means the person receiving the message will go through the whole graph and once the graph is final, s/he will send back a message: "graph secure". So simple and easy! Just imagine what one would have done otherwise: "I have made some changes, sending the corrected version."
After the first successful communication with Dayal Babi's Baba, Doc Tiwari has embarked on to full-fledged research. These are some of the codes that have been made thereafter: "Joy" means, "listen to me, sweetheart"; "Rak-us" means, I am at your service, come hell or high water"; and "Nad-um" means : "F-you"
I am told the IATA has evinced keen interest in Doc Tiwari's code. It believes that the number of air accidents due to bad communication will be brought down to nil if all airports implement the Tiwari Code.
Even as Doc Tiwari gets into the league of Graham Bell and Morse, there are some petty people who are lampooning him. I think this is unfair.
CC
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Hill Goat and the Comrade
While we spend time trying to figure out the genetics of Bajrangi, it would be good to turn our focus on some others. Our office is a 3-ring circus. There are too many artistes performing simultaneously.
Most of us are desperately looking for cotton plugs to reduce the incessant "warh-warh-warh-warh" emanating from the Pseudo-Naxal (PN) His decibel level is actually directly propotional to the frustration he is experiencing. The level of his frustration is so much that all the time he is accusing someone or the other of being "a big humper". So, it is only natural that he is willing to believe anyone who has a juicy tale to tell him.
The Hill Goat is not letting go of the opportunity. The other day, he gave a multi-media presentation of a night he 'spent' with a woman. The Hill Goat completed the presentation with sound effects, and started moaning and groaning. Needless to say PN was aroused so much that he was seen furiously pacing up and down.
As if this was not enough, the Hill Goat last evening told PN that Dayal Babi spotted a strap-on dildo in the bag of Dum Aloo's wife during their wedding reception. He explained to PN that efeminate men had a fetish for such things. Poor Dum Aloo has been made out to be a guy who loves to be buggered by his wife!
Now, anyone else would have just dismissed the claim but PN was not only willing to buy it but also started imagining things. Poor Dum Aloo, who met him a little later must have been left wondering why PN was so squeamish with him.
It ain't over yet! In all likelihood, PN will check out with Dayal Babi. Try imagining how Dayal Babi will react when PN starts talking about a dildo.
CC
Most of us are desperately looking for cotton plugs to reduce the incessant "warh-warh-warh-warh" emanating from the Pseudo-Naxal (PN) His decibel level is actually directly propotional to the frustration he is experiencing. The level of his frustration is so much that all the time he is accusing someone or the other of being "a big humper". So, it is only natural that he is willing to believe anyone who has a juicy tale to tell him.
The Hill Goat is not letting go of the opportunity. The other day, he gave a multi-media presentation of a night he 'spent' with a woman. The Hill Goat completed the presentation with sound effects, and started moaning and groaning. Needless to say PN was aroused so much that he was seen furiously pacing up and down.
As if this was not enough, the Hill Goat last evening told PN that Dayal Babi spotted a strap-on dildo in the bag of Dum Aloo's wife during their wedding reception. He explained to PN that efeminate men had a fetish for such things. Poor Dum Aloo has been made out to be a guy who loves to be buggered by his wife!
Now, anyone else would have just dismissed the claim but PN was not only willing to buy it but also started imagining things. Poor Dum Aloo, who met him a little later must have been left wondering why PN was so squeamish with him.
It ain't over yet! In all likelihood, PN will check out with Dayal Babi. Try imagining how Dayal Babi will react when PN starts talking about a dildo.
CC
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
A brief history of Ram
AN ATHEIST HAS THE RIGHT TO DENY THE divinity of Ram. But to deny the historicity of Ram is a historical heresy that strikes at the roots of Indian ethos. Those demanding written proof of Ram’s existence need to be familiarised with Hindu traditions of shruti (oral instruction sans written communication) and smriti (memorisation). The Hindu intellectuals never insisted that everything be there in writing. The lack of rigidity, because there is no Book and nothing is etched in stone, has helped Hinduism evolve over the ages and keep up with the times. If learning is the end, then why quibble over the means? Why treat written records as sacrosanct, for they can be more easily created and altered than the collective memories of thousands of generations. Keepers of land record have done it all over the world. False birth certificates to get jobs and caste certificates to get reservation are easily available for the right price all over India.
Das avatars narrated in the Hindu scriptures represent a theory of evolution from pisces to amphibians to mammals as Vishnu’s incarnations of Matsya, Kachchhap and Varaha. Similarly, Narasimha and Vaman avatars represent the growth of humanity and progress of the human race. They may not have been written down but the facts can be tallied with similar progress reports in other religions, and science. This represents the gyan (knowledge) and vigyan (science) of the people of that era. To dismiss it as myth and legend, and treat it as superstition is an insult to the culture and history of the first civilised people on this earth. This can be expected only from a person who has named his progeny after a ruthless dictator despised even in his own country.
When actions speak louder than words, masses remember reformers as Gods. The dustbin of history is there to recollect acts of pretenders to the throne of people’s heart. Leaders who want future generations to remember them without having done enough to deserve it need image builders, who are better known as historians.
Ram’s contributions to society may not have been chronicled during his times, but have left an indelible mark, inspiring bhakts like Valmiki and Tulsidas to name just two. Raghav appeared at a time when human race was moving out of pastoral jungle life to a city-based agrarian culture. He was a pioneer and leader in a movement that changed the way of life and thinking of humanity as a whole and the Indian subcontinent in particular. He arouses so much passion and devotion precisely because he was the first leader who stood up for the aam aadmi, especially women and the underprivileged, despite being a prince. The reformer started with women’s right — restoring to the Ahilya her rightful social place, a victim of circumstances spurned by her husband and ostracised by society. Promoting monogamy is something for which Hindu women, and men, shall thank him forever. The prince of Ayodhya spearheaded the movement to co-opt the hunter-gatherer forest dwellers (vana nar, distorted into vanar) into the then new agrarian social formation. He wiped out the old exploitative asurasocio-economic order. Ram rajyawas the first instance of a ruler giving precedence to the concerns of common man, an aristocrat turning a civil servant in the true sense of the word.
Bhakt Bajrangi
Das avatars narrated in the Hindu scriptures represent a theory of evolution from pisces to amphibians to mammals as Vishnu’s incarnations of Matsya, Kachchhap and Varaha. Similarly, Narasimha and Vaman avatars represent the growth of humanity and progress of the human race. They may not have been written down but the facts can be tallied with similar progress reports in other religions, and science. This represents the gyan (knowledge) and vigyan (science) of the people of that era. To dismiss it as myth and legend, and treat it as superstition is an insult to the culture and history of the first civilised people on this earth. This can be expected only from a person who has named his progeny after a ruthless dictator despised even in his own country.
When actions speak louder than words, masses remember reformers as Gods. The dustbin of history is there to recollect acts of pretenders to the throne of people’s heart. Leaders who want future generations to remember them without having done enough to deserve it need image builders, who are better known as historians.
Ram’s contributions to society may not have been chronicled during his times, but have left an indelible mark, inspiring bhakts like Valmiki and Tulsidas to name just two. Raghav appeared at a time when human race was moving out of pastoral jungle life to a city-based agrarian culture. He was a pioneer and leader in a movement that changed the way of life and thinking of humanity as a whole and the Indian subcontinent in particular. He arouses so much passion and devotion precisely because he was the first leader who stood up for the aam aadmi, especially women and the underprivileged, despite being a prince. The reformer started with women’s right — restoring to the Ahilya her rightful social place, a victim of circumstances spurned by her husband and ostracised by society. Promoting monogamy is something for which Hindu women, and men, shall thank him forever. The prince of Ayodhya spearheaded the movement to co-opt the hunter-gatherer forest dwellers (vana nar, distorted into vanar) into the then new agrarian social formation. He wiped out the old exploitative asurasocio-economic order. Ram rajyawas the first instance of a ruler giving precedence to the concerns of common man, an aristocrat turning a civil servant in the true sense of the word.
Bhakt Bajrangi
Monday, November 12, 2007
Babu Baj
Since his rewriting skills have not got him a 'well-deserved' promotion and a massive hike, but ridicule and scorn instead, Babu Bajrangi has turned to writing the Ramayan. After Valmiki Ramayan, Tulsidas' Ramcharitamanas, Kambaramayanam etc, etc, here comes Bajrangi Ramayan!
According to the Bajrangi Ramyan, Ram was the first Civil Servant.
For promo of the book, please see today's Oped page.
CC
According to the Bajrangi Ramyan, Ram was the first Civil Servant.
For promo of the book, please see today's Oped page.
CC
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)